Default friends

Have you ever wondered if the so-called friends around you are really the group of people that you would choose to hang out with if you had the choice to choose who you get to know? More often than not, the friends you make are friends of friends, and so on. You know C because he/she is a friend of B who is a friend of A who is your friend. You spend time with A because you really enjoy his/her company, and B likes to hang out with C and A who all eventually start to hang out with you. So you become friends with B and C by circumstance, or by default.

But can they then be called your friends? To most people, that's how they are classified. Some picky ones will called them aquaintances. But to me, aquaintances are exactly what they are, you only get aquainted with them and stop at that. One does not hang out or spend time with aquaintances.

So to be spending time and hanging out with these "friends" would then lessen the meaning of friendship. You spend more time having to socialize than truly being friends, since you do not really want to rely on them and neither do you want them to rely on you. But isn't that's what friends are for, to rely on one another when things are not as rosey as they should be?

You argue that there are different types of friendships, those that are lifelong and those that merely make guest appearances in one or two chapters of your life. But consider this, would these people make you a better person by knowing them? Do you make them better people by their knowing of you? If you answer is no for both questions, then I guess you have much better things to do than hanging out with them. Like spending more quality time building your relationships with family and your real friends.

So many find me weird when I say I don't feel like doing the socializing thing (Yuko, I understand what you mean if you are reading this) on certain days and weeks. That's when I get tired of trying to pretend to be friends to people whom I don't want to be friends with. Not because I don't like them, but just because I know they have no interest in seeing me as an individual instead of being just a friend of their friends. And because I have no interest in getting to know them either.

So the next time you hear me saying that I don't really feel like doing the social butterfly thing, then you'll get what I really mean. Of course, I won't turn down appointments with people I truly value, or people whom I feel that need and want my help. But other than that, stop wasting my time. I have more productive things to do. Even if I am bored, I can always read a good book.

So yes, this week is anti-socializing week for me. Default friends, keep out of my life. I am mean, but I mean it.